Dennis is a Dutch sales consultant that lived in India as an expat. During his daughter’s birthday in India, the family hadn’t lived there long. Unlike his colleagues he didn’t live on a compound with other Dutch people. Instead, his family lived in the same neighbourhood as the locals.

Dennis and his wife didn’t know many people and decided to have a small celebration for their daughter’s birthday. They invited around 20 Indian friends to the party. They went to the grocery store to prepare and bought enough for the people they had invited. Everything was looking good and accounted for, until the doorbell rang, and an unexpected 80 people showed up. Apparently, everyone has decided to bring their family with them.

Culture is contextual and every country has uncountable subcultures that partly shape our personality. As no culture is the same, it can be very useful to ask yourself these simple questions if you’re working with someone from another culture.

The United Kingdom is just an hour away by plane from the Netherlands. You would expect we wouldn’t have that many cultural differences when working together. Dutch are known for their fluency in English and are similar in their kind of humour. Unfortunately, mistakes still happen, for example in doing business. Because why can’t the English just say what they mean?

The difference in client-focus was one of the firs things that American intercultural coach Lisa Ross-Marcus noticed when she came to the Netherlands 30 years ago: “The first time I went to a restaurant here I couldn’t believe the reaction the waitress gave when I approached her. She literally said, ‘can’t you see I’m busy?’” According to Lisa, there are numerous reasons for the difference in client focus between the USA and the Netherlands.

Every culture has its own style of humour, with unique inside jokes and sensitive subject matter. Jokes that make people from one country tear up from laughter, can cause unbearable silences in those from another. When it comes to humour, cultural differences are based on where the “no go” line is, with the jokes being just on the acceptable side.

Everyone has them: stereotypes and biases. All day our brain is busy with the structuring and labelling of things, happenings, and living beings. At the same time, these stereotypes often aren’t true, and we unwittingly pass unfair judgement convinced by our own righteousness. Discrimination is present in all cultures the world over. According to neuroscientists, everyone is unconsciously guilty of being racist in one form or another. For this reason, it’s important to understand these themes. What are stereotypes? How are biases formed? What is the difference between discrimination and racism? And what does “white privilege” actually mean?

Imagine you are invited to a birthday party. Most Dutch visitors will be pretty straightforward in accepting or denying the invitation.  For example, they would say:

“Thank you for your invitation! I will be there.” or
“ No, I am sorry, I can’t make it. Maybe next time.” or
“ I have to check, but I will let you know as soon as possible. “

When preparing a party, the Dutch usually know how many people will join the party and how many groceries to buy.
In other countries …

Imagine you are on your way to an important meeting, a job interview for example. You want to be on time and leave a good first impression. On your way you run into someone you admire, someone you respect, for example you former boss. He or she starts a long story, while you have to be at your appointment. He talks and talks and in the meantime you start to feel uncomfortable. If this conversation continues like this, you are going to be late. What do you do?

In today’s world we are able to connect with people from all over the world. We can visit each other, we can call, we can use Skype, WhatsApp, Zoom etc. There are many possibilities to easily work together with other cultures. The question is why some intercultural collaborations still lead to confusion, misunderstanding and even conflicts.

Let’s be honest: do you know any Dutch person who wakes up happy on King’s day because it’s the King’s birthday? I know I don’t. We do not particularly adore the King. Nonetheless, the Netherlands sees the most exuberant celebration of a King’s or Queen’s birthday in the world. The celebration’s most remarkable feature? Its flea market. Who wants to spend their free time selling old rubbish in the street?

So one arrives – with qualifications that aren’t valid – in a country with an unknown language and culture. And for animals of habit – which we are – this means there’s work to be done. Learning a new language and culture takes time and effort, as does getting used to a life and a country in which everything is different. Regardless of how well you prepare, it’s a process that has its ups and downs. And forget just popping in on family and friends – it’s simply no longer possible. In fact, your partner is the only support you have, certainly in the beginning.